19 weeks

!9 weeks! I am so excited to be 19 weeks, nearly half way there.
I woke up thinking, I really want to feel this baby start MOVING. This afternoon I had a lovely 10 minutes of baby dancing, still can't really feel it from the outside yet.The kids all came out eventually and saw me with my hand on my belly, they all crowded around to try to get a feel, they can't wait to feel it. We talked to them every week about where baby is in her development(don't know what we're having so her/he will be interchangeable throughout this blog BTW)
They now know baby can hear, so they all start talking at once into my belly.
"Hi, baby!"
"We love you baby1"
"Can I talk like Donald Duck mom, or will that scare him?"
i can't think of anywhere i'd rather be. ;)
i have such peace about this child, i usually go through several stages of shock, denial, excitement and disbelief, because i was completely unaware of God's plan for each of the other three.
( meaning they were all surprises along with the other three losses)
but DH and i were both so ready and aware(albeit for about 24 hours) before we conceived this one, that not for a moment have i felt caught off-guard or surprised
i feel like i've been waiting for this one and i'm so glad to be pregnant, i am already getting anxious to meet this little one and have it be a part of our family from out here ;)
i went to a homeschoolers conference this weekend, and the average family size seemed to be 7 kids
it was funny to feel like i was saying,
"well, I ONLY have 3, and i'm pregnant for my fourth." I would not have been surprised if one of those mamas would've said, "well thats a good start!"
normally i get gasps and stares when i tell people i'm pregnant with my fourth,
"FOUR?!, wow, thats like A LOT!"
they all made it look so possible to have a big family, teens and infants in the same family, it was a culture shock for sure, but as i walked around i realized
all i am seeing is blessings multiplied, it didn't seem appalling, impossible, ridiculous or un-environmental
i walked around thinking, how many do i want to have? but quickly realised thats not what its about
this fourth one was very much about a faith journey for me, it wasnt about making a decision to have another, or even feeling ready to have another
it was about wanting God's will in my life, and through prayer discerning that children are a blessing no matter what, and truly i never want to turn away a blessing from HIM
so it was a little thrilling ( and a lot anxiety inducing) to see these families and wonder
is this what you have planned for me Lord?
am i going to look like one of these moms someday?
what a thought