18 weeks

We had an appointment with our midwife today.
I just love this woman ;)
I had a recent discussion with my preceptor and dear friend about why women chose the midwives we do. This particular discussion was about if age is a factor

we talked about how some women want a mother to take care of them during labor, and some want a sister, and there still are some grandmother midwives out there as well
Well my midwife is like that cool eccentric aunt that always has great stories to tell and inspires you to be more

She has delivered my other 3 children, and has walked me through 3 miscarriages
when i was uncertain about a new friend and midwife asking me to attend births with her as an apprentice, She gave me a pile of ob/gyn books that she no longer had use for and told me that yes,i am going to be a midwife someday

the care that i receive from her is so very different from the care my friends and clients receive from their OB's its not really comparable
yes, we checked my weight ( ack! its climbing awfully fast this pregnancy!!)
i peed on a stick, ( all clear! my body seems to be handling this pregnancy really well,everything is in terrific balance)
we listened to baby ( happy baby!)
and measured my fundal height (19cm, but normal, especially for a 4th pregnancy)
checked blood pressure ( low as always)

but this was all peppered with conversation about anything and everything
she treats me like a favored neice, a friend
she asks about every possible thing going on in my life
we talked about who might be at the birth, she told me during my first pregnancy that everyone should have a purpose, a "job" to do, spectators get in the way and can change the energy and process of labor
i have so many people that i would love to have there, my husband is terrified that I'm going to want to invite every doula friend, natural mama and midwife I know to be there lol
but alas i have so enjoyed our relatively quiet, private birth experiences in the past with him, my midwife and usually one other set of hands to help set up and get picures
(i keep him on his toes by making comments like "how much should i sell tickets to our bith for honey?" )
I usually spend an hour at my midwife appointments ( how much time does an OB spend with their patients?)

i very much feel like my whole person is being accounted for, midwifery care is so very holistic, she takes into account my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health
i have plenty of time to ask questions, discuss possibilities and i always learn something
i feel important, cared for, my intuition and opinions and concerns are of the utmost importance
i am in control of my care, and my midwife is part of my team
every decision,every discussion is between two equals, partners, there is no hierarchy
i have never had to make a decision that i didnt want to make, felt pressured to make, or have had to make against my better judgement
i always learn a lot! Even as a doula and midwifery student there is so much to know and learn, and facts that i've heard before are different this pregnancy
all the variables present different opportunities for learning and application of what i've learned

going into birth i know exactly whats happening, what might happen
i understand, i trust the process
i trust my midwife, my husband and family
i trust the Creator and His design for my body, my baby and this process that he made to happen in just this way

because of these appointments, this relational, holistic building up of my whole person and famiily
and this trust
fear is not present, the unknown that can breed fear is not fostered as it is in a hospital setting
we are ready to deal with emergency circumstances but fear and negativity are tools that my midwife does not carry in her bag
and me? i dont have a bag to pack :) i'll be staying home when i go into labor

in my house, surrounded by the family and friends that i have carefully chosen to be present
free to do whatever feels right, whatever helps me cope, whatever gets the baby down the birth canal and into my arms
i can eat to fuel myself through this marathon of all marathons, give my body the nutrients and energy it needs to do this work
i can walk
i can shower
i can swim
i can wear whatever i want
i can yell, sing, scream
i can demand silence and darkness
i can send people away if i need to
i can invite new ones to come if i need different energy
i can birth wherever, however i feel if baby and i are doing well

why are these things important? am i trading experience for safety?
all of these things take care of me,
emotionally,physically,spiritually
and anything that is good for me is good for the baby,
if i am nourished physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and there isn't any fear and negativity present
i am in the safest possible place i could be, interventions are less neccesary, and when they are they are executed efficiently
i am safe at home
i am safer at home then i would be any other place

i am not trading experience for safety,
i hired a midwife for evidence based, holistic care that is safer for my baby and i

hospitals offer only the false perception of safety, a slew of interventions that seem logical and safe but in reality are making hospial births more dangerous everyday
protocol trumps science, normalised deviance is rampant
decisions are made because "thats the way its done"
not because "this is whats safe and neccesary"

mothers intuition is ignored, laughed at even, and surpressed

given support,whole person holistic nourishment of body, mind, soul and spirit
women can do the impossible
women can do this, we are made to give birth( i dont care how big your hips are, or are not), and it can be beautiful, even if everything doesnt go as planned

i am not a superhero, i'm not brave,,i'm not crazy i'm not uneducated or negligent for doing this at home, without drugs and without surgery

it is EASIER to give birth at home, it is safer

i have chosen the simpler path, and i have only gained
i haven't sacrificed a single thing to do it this way